Birthdays are an exercise in self-conflict. Initially we look forward to each new year that marks a point in linear time that in the grand design has absolutely no meaning. Yet to the celebrant, it represents a time when one is at the centre of creation. when all bow down to honour the most import day of the most important being.
Slowly, methodically before one realizes, that day which once meant everything to everyone within the context of our own hubris now bears the burden of that very creation upon us. It is now a reminder that we are not the omnipotent, immortal we once believed ourselves to be. When we once viewed our existence in terms of “forever”, we now fearfully count each precious minute of each irreplaceable day as one kneeling before the executioner coming to the horrifying realization that linear time in fact does have an ending – we have an ending.
But for a selected few, like me, there comes that special birthday when an epiphany manifests. Clarity can not be quantified and it is understood that the perception of what “life is” can never be conceptualized in the same way again. On that day, everything dies – the conditioning you have experienced since your first breath; the perception of need, of fear, of love, of existence. Your sight, true sight, now confirms the reality of what “IS” contrary to that indoctrinated by the natural senses. There, in a crypt adorned with vines and thorns, deception lays decaying never to be unearthed again.
On that birthday – that unique, special day when the bliss of ignorance truly dies, you are born anew constituting of both a blessing and a curse. One is cursed never to feel the comfort of all that is or was ever known before. To be an outcast, lonely, forever isolated from that which was familiar, comfortable and home. You can never return to that rapturous yet unlettered slumber. In this enlightened, quietus state one now wears wisdom as the only raiment that will ever be desired or needed. Truth is heard without filter and seen without the aid of lenses. It is daunting to be sure but can also be overwhelmingly euphoric. Courage to reside in this lonely spirit world is an absolute necessity when you are “Living Forever and Dead Like Me”.
Adiuva me verterem figuram mundi